Holes in My Panties
I don't know where I got this idea, but I always envisioned people with stained, hole-filled underware as being poor. I was never going to be one of those.
My mother always told me to keep two sets of panties: nice ones and period ones. You kept period ones so you wouldn't ruin the nices ones during that time of the month. Another rule Mom taught: Always wear clean panties to doctor's appointments. This one is a weird rule because I never took my clothes off at the doctor's, so it didn't make sense to me... That is, until I started getting severe stomach aches and had to unbutton my pants so my doctor could examine my stomach. As gross and perverted as that may sound, I was glad that little area of exposed panties were new and clean.
When I got my driver's license, a whole new world opened up. Shopping at the mall! I could go to the mall by myself. One of the first treasures I discovered at the mall: Victoria's Secret cotton panties: 5 for $20!
What a deal! I could choose whatever style and color I wanted, mix and match, grab a couple thongs, a couple bikinis and maybe one granny panty (you know, a period one!). I could get a whole weeks worth of panties for only $20... the other two days I could figure out later.
One deal after another, I bought bundle after bundle. I loved the feeling of crisp, new panties. I loved wearing flash colors under my plain tee-shirt and jeans. It doesn't matter what you wear for the outside world to seem they'll never know the surprise hidden underneath.
I bought many panties using that 5 for $20 deal. During the Semi-Annual Sale, I'd be one of the thousands of crazy ladies fishing for fancy, lacy panties that are regularly $20-30 EACH marked down to $5-6! I loved it! At some point, Victoria's Secret upped the price of their fantastic deal to 5 for $25. I actually stared at the sign for a few minutes, angry that they are making their panties more expensive (and yes, made more cheaply!) but decided it was still a good deal and grabbed 10 pairs!
After I left school, I had to crack down on my spending budget... which became almost no budget. So I slowed down my panty purchases. My boyfriend Adrian would tease me: You would probably do your laundry more often if you didn't have so many pairs of underware!
After a while I noticed I had so many panties that my drawer wouldn't close. Time to clean out the drawers. I probably threw out 20 pairs, saved about 15 pairs that were too big for me (just in case I gained a couple pounds again!); I still had about 30 pairs left! It was sad... I think I stared at the pile for a few minutes mourning my loss, as if someone died!
Something had died: my ideal upscale life. The feeling of having brand new panties. Most importantly, the idea that I had such disposable income to spend on something ridiculous, like underware. Or the ridiculous idea that even though I dropped out of school, I could still afford my lifestyle, whatever that was.
Something had died when I threw out those panties, but it didn't hit me for years later.
One night I was doing my laundry (because now I have to do it more often!) and I pulled one out of the dryer to find it in shreds! That's okay, just throw it away because there is more where that came from.
But it kept happening. One after another, all my panties were getting destroyed. Some of the elastic was getting stretched and they were becoming traveling panties! Others were getting holes in random places. And oh, my treasured Semi-Annual Sale lacy panties were getting fuzzy, for a lack of a better word.
One day I was getting dressed and my fingers punctured a hole between the elastic and the tummy part. I got so frusterated, I threw myself on the ground, sat cross-legged and started crying. (Thank you Adrian for not being around for this temper tantrum!) Why was I crying? It was a pair of panties! But to me, it was more than that. I had been throwing away one or two pairs a week for the past few months. Instead of constantly replenishing the supply, I was downsizing to a point of no return. All that was left were my ugly period ones... which was making them look better than they really were! I didn't have the money to buy some new ones because of my outrageous student loan payments.
I threw myself on the floor crying out of frustration because of a pair of shredding panties. Yes, I was frusterated because I had to come to the conclusion that at this time, I am one of those poor people. I have to pay my dues before I could be one of those people who always wears new panties. Ahhh, one day.
Comments [0]